The silence made me think Jassen had left. I forced my eyes open again to find him sitting next to me. He was clear enough now that I could see he had his face covered by his hands, his wings thrown wide in the small room, the two of us hidden behind them.
"So sorry," I managed to say. The way he looked at me bit and gnawed at my heart, just as real and deep as my physical agony.
Jassen shook his head. "It's my fault. I thought he'd wait and try to form a trap. I had no idea Eric was in on it. He must have tailed me and reported back to Thomas."
Eric's treachery sent a small spark of anger through my veins. It hurt desperately, but thawed me enough so I could force myself into a sitting position.
"You and Nathan. I should have know. I should have stopped him."
I wanted to comfort him, to take away his pain, but I didn't know how. I settled for taking his hand, wrapping it in both of my own, sure I would never get another chance to touch him and knowing this would never be enough.
Jassen stared at our hands together for a long moment before looking up at me, his expression an excruciating combination of hope and hurt.
I sense some desperation. The girl is worried, angry, and she wants to comfort. The guy with wings seems stand-offish, defeated...
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting.
I felt longing more than anything. And almost regret.
ReplyDeleteI'm intrigued about the relationship between these two characters.
It started with a sense of guilt, I thought, and then shifted towards sadness in the end.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why, but i somehow didn't connect. Sorrry.
I get the feeling that Jassen is in shock and doesn't really know how to react to the situation.
ReplyDeleteIt was a bit hard to get into the scene because I don't know what happened before this.
But I think you got the feeling of sadness across.
Lines like Eric's treachery sent a small spark of anger through my veins. Tell your reader what we should be feeling, and not Showing it. The part where she held his hand and knew this was the only chance she had to do so is more effective in showing the sad emotions than telling us how she feels.
ReplyDeleteI sensed guilt at something she'd done and couldn't undo, didn't know how to make it up to him.
ReplyDeleteI found the scene interesting and would read more.
I sensed a need to comfort, and sadness. This is an example of a story that I wish we had more than 250 words as I am interested in what seems like a complex web of relationships and consequences from actions.
ReplyDeleteI like the way the emotions change from sadness and regret to love and hope.
ReplyDeleteShame and regret. I got a little thrown off when he had his hands covering his face, then immediately she mentions his look. Does he drop his hands to his lap? Look through his fingers?
ReplyDeleteI'm not exactly sure what's going on here. I do get the idea that something happened to the winged guy, and the MC feeling like he/she could have stopped it. So guilt or remorse.
ReplyDeleteI'm a bit sentimental (to my embarrassment), so I took the ending part to mean longing or angst.
Remorse and longing.