TITLE: The Stone Pillar
GENRE: YA Fantasy
My completed Young Adult novel, THE STONE PILLAR, is a 100,000 word fantasy which is focused on Nathaniel D’Arnor’s journey across Gaia. After witnessing the murder of his friends and comrades, Nathaniel realizes that true purpose of the Academy is not to train guardians, but to breed sacrificial lambs. He becomes a fugitive hunted by the very instructors who trained him, seeking safe refuge in a world he has seen only in maps.
He is captured by Annalise Nis’al, the daughter and heir of the The Dragon King. Sora, her servant, is a powerful witch and the King’s deadliest weapon; it is she who discovers Nathaniel has a talent which is hidden even from himself, an unnatural immunity to magic. His impressive combat skills and immunity to Sora’s power make him a potential threat to her father, one Annalise intends to eliminate. Her father, The Dragon King Rama Nis’al, has his own plans for Nathaniel’s talents and coerces him to cooperate by threatening the lives of the tribe who first sheltered him, some of whom he has grown to love.
While in the palace of the Dragon King, both guest and prisoner, Nathaniel discovers an imprisoned dragon who tells Nathaniel about the Elder Dragons, the powerful avatars of Gaia’s magic. With their help he could acquire the power to shatter The Stone Pillar and end the sacrifices forever. Meanwhile, Sora’s strange and adoptive father charges her with a mission, she must betray her mistress and assist in Nathaniel’s escape. She must accompany him on his quest and seek out the answers behind Nathaniel’s hidden talent and its connection to the Pillar.
There is more at stake than the destruction of Pillar; it is merely the first step to restoring balance to a world spiraling ever closer to chaos. The choices they make could alter the very fabric of the world as they teeter between justice, vengeance and the very hazy line between them.
A hesitant yes. Your plot is interesting but the query is way too long. Ultimately, I'm saying yes because it made me realize how much I miss epic fantasy. The world needs more epic fantasy.
ReplyDeleteNo. This is way too involved for a query. The first paragraph was great and had a nice hook. Work off that, and you'll have a winner!
ReplyDeleteA 'no, but almost' for me. It seemed like it could be an intriguing plot, but it was buried under a few more proper nouns than I could keep track of.
ReplyDeleteNo. The first paragraph was good, but after that, I got confused and felt like I was reading a synopsis rather than a simple statement of who the character is, what he wants, and what will happen if he fails.
ReplyDeleteNo. It read more like a synopsis - too many names and too many plot points. I do think it sounds interesting, though.
ReplyDeleteNo. Too much going on.
ReplyDeleteNo. Too long and more like a synopsis. I barely finished reading it. The elements are all interesting, the query doesn't do it justice yet.
ReplyDeleteNo. This reads more like a synopsis, and doesn't hook me.
ReplyDeleteNo. Needs to be more focused; right now, there's too much to follow.
ReplyDeleteNo - reads like a synopsis. No hook.
ReplyDeleteThis is a tough one - there's just SO much going on, so many strange names and words that it's a little hard to follow. The dragon bit peaked my interest, but everything else kind of blended together. For me, it's a hesitant no.
ReplyDeleteNo. Too much is going on for me to follow.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteToo much detail, not enough plot/reason to engage with main character.
No. There's way to much going on.
ReplyDeleteThis might not be kosher, but I'd like to thank all of the people who have commented on my entry! I can see I have a lot of work to do.
ReplyDeleteNo. I stopped reading after the second paragraph; there's just too much going on.
ReplyDeleteA hesitant yes. Interesting premise, but the query was quite long and complicated to follow.
ReplyDeleteNo. Way too much going on the query for me to sift through.
ReplyDeleteNo. The query feels more like a synopsis and there is too much detail to sort through to find the story's bones.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like there is a great deal of world building in the book and a good premise, but it's buried in the query, which feels more like a synopsis and character soup. Simplify. Streamline.
No, lost me halfway through.
ReplyDeleteNo, I started skimming after the first paragraph because there's so much going on. I think there's seeds of a good idea here, it just needs more honing and focus to get them to sparkle in the query.
ReplyDeleteNo. I love me some fantasy, but it felt too dry and telling, and I lost track of who was who by the second paragraph.
ReplyDeleteNo - but I do love fantasy. For me, your query was a bit difficult to follow. It could have been a yes if you focused on the most important one or two characters and one or two plot arcs.
ReplyDeleteEverything about this -- the length of the manuscript, the length of the query, the abundance of characters -- was too epic for me. I'd have to pass.
ReplyDelete